I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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