I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
