Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
