WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
