i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize