I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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