I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
