wat bout pragnant strippers??
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
