i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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