This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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