Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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