pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
