Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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