Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
