Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
