puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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