Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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