im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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