Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
