last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
