Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
