i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
