im having a threesome with these popsicles
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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