I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
