that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish I only lived at night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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