thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
