you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
