My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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