So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
