Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize