Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
