Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
we're so committed to being not committed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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