Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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