You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
