i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
