You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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