Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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