You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
