This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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