her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
