yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
