Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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