she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
