he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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