Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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