I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
