hotel room ftw
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
