No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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