dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
