so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That accounts for only three of the penises
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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