Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
