You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
