it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
