I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
