a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
