i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize