Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
