nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
