the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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