I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
