In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Damn victory sex feels great
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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