Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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