I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
