tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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