you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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