It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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