exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
