I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize