oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
