I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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