i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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