Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
