the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
