can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ttyl tear gas
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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