Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
