Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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