This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
