I want to stick my p in your. b.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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