Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
