Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
